Why I don't believe?

When someone hears that I'm an atheist, the common question I get (after the look of shock and disbelief) is "why don't you believe in god"? I simply answer back with a question, "why do you believe that there is one?". Most people give me the answer "well, because". They don't have concrete reasons why. There are no concrete reasons why. There are no concrete reasons of evidence.

I cannot believe in something just because its been passed to me in a church pew when I was 5. Stories of Jonah living in the belly of a whale...and surviving to tell about it. I remember thinking then, what a great movie this would make. I fell for it for a little while. Mainly because I had a religious family and my mother, though never attended services as an adult, is a believer and didn't know any better because that's how she was raised.

Which brings me to yet another point. "That's how I was raised". How much of life is nuture verses thinking for yourself. You have a duty to other human beings on this planet to have a brain that thinks independent thoughts. "My mom was a racist, so its ok if I am too. That's how I was raised." It's all bullshit.

Open your eyes, read a book. Find the answers to all of the natural things that happen and you can't explain for yourself. There is always a logical explaination for things. Even it is simply not known at this time. Religion was a way of answering the questions of a people that were scared by natural phenominon such as lightening or tornadoes. It's also a way of controlling people. Controlling behavior. Don't do that, you'll go to hell. Don't say that, god will punish you. Don't question his way. How does such a loving and forgiving god punish his own children for using the very brain (you think) he gave you?

As a method of dissapating fears. Creating a beautiful utopian place that, if you're good, you will live forever. No one wants to die. And this is a beautiful story to give to someone who fears the inevitable.

And where is your god when people are drowning, starving, suffering at the hand of economics, natural disasters or dictatorship? You cop out and say "its god's will". So your prayers for a way to make the rent this month mean more to him than that of a child screaming for his mother when he's just been taken from his family to be used in child prostitution in Africa? No.

Think about that. Why would like loving, compassionate god of all that surrounds us let these things happen to the innocence of this world. I say innocence because I am often rebuttled with "god punished those who have done wrong". These children don't deserve this treatment. And if they did...your god chose this type of punishment for them? So merciful he is.

I do not believe. Am I to be punished in your afterlife? (And no, I don't believe in an afterlife) Punished for raising a great child, caring and loving my friendsand family, not harming any life on this planet (yes, including nasty roaches. I take them outside.), using my body and brain to its potential. But to you, the christian, the muslim, the jew...I am a sinner. I will burn in hell for simply not believing.

Where's the right in that?
Be careful who you hate, it could be someone you love.

Turning 30

This year…I will be 30. 30!?! It is rewarding and completely surreal at the same time. I look at 30 as the year I am officially an adult. But also the year that “damn, I’m an adult. Shouldn’t I have more by now?” A reminder staring me in the face that I’m not as eternally young as I once may have thought at 22. 30 was the unreachable age that I could never imagine actually getting to. It’s an age I still remember my own mother at. Surely, I’m not her age. Despite all of the uncertainty of this decade, I’m taking it in. Using the “milestone” as a stepping stone. Aging, though reality, also seems rather figurative. It’s time for new responsibilities. Nailing down exactly what I want out of this beautiful life. Setting the goals that I have put off. I have grown so much as a person. I’m finally becoming the person that I’ve always to be. Not that people change into a different person as they age…just a much better version of themselves. There are so many people that I credit to helping me to grow. My son. He’s amazing. A daily reminder that love is the most powerful gift. He encompasses my life. I wouldn’t know how to love without him. He’s taught me patience, determination and laughter. My friends and family who have held my hand when I needed it, but also just gave me a boost when they knew it was better for me to figure it out on my own. I’m so lucky to have all of you in my life. Thank you. Here’s to my next 30 years!